The way the turtle falls
by The Over9000NinjaAlchemist
Summary: Donnie was captured by the shredder for weeks, by the time his brothers rescue him its too late. he was broken... 2012 (yep i know it says FullMetalNinja75 on the cover, that's my Wattpad name)
1. Chapter 1

**Um** **hey** **dudes! This** **is** **my** **new** **story! Done** **complete** **in** **our** **favourite** **genius** **point** **of** **view... Um** **yeah** **I** **hope** **you** **like** **this** **chapter!XD**

 _I_ c _losed my eyes as the pain hit... Make it end... My tear_ ducts _were already bone dry... My sobs echoed in my head... I'd been here too long... Lost too much blood... No one was coming... Or they would've found me a month ago... I was gone... Still alive... But dead at the same time_...

"Come on D!" Mikey laughed shoving from out my lab. "Patrol!" His palms dug into my shoulders, which he undoubtedly was on his tiptoes to reach.  
"Mikey," I began impatiently. "I can't... I'm doing a delicate experiment."  
"You can do that after." Mikey said firmly, then looked directly at him. I sighed.  
"Puppy dog eyes won't work... I'll join you guys after, k?"  
"Promise?" Mikey half growled. I smiled.  
"Yes." I grinned. Mikey's eyes almost immediately lit up, almost like stars. Intensely light blue, sticking out like pizza on my tool belt... Don't ask how pizza gets on my belt, Mikey is all I'm going to say. Looking back on that night I should've gone with them, I would've been safe...

* * *

"Alright," I muttered to myself. "Just gotta find the guys." I hoped on a building to see if I could find my brothers. Couldn't hear any sound of kraang blasters, so they are weren't finding Kraang... No shouting Rahzar... I hopped over a few blocks, scanning for the sight of my brothers. Even though they were ninjas I knew they places we his and all the tricks used to fool you guys. Not telling you how us professional ninja hid I searched. I smelt around the city, I don't get the purpose of the nose, turtles don't have noses and we get around fine. Its more of another place to get hurt...

My hands brushed across the wall, I could see fresh gun marks on the wall... Ice melting, Tiger claw... I should've gone back then, by that time it had been an hour I'd looked for them. I don't know why I was so determine to find them, in the whole city. I had already passed all our main spots... Then again Mikey was waiting for me. He was the only person I felt still cared, in my tumbling world...

I followed the tracks I'd found to an alleyway. I pulled back the urge to shout out to my brothers. Something was wrong... Something was very wrong. My heart immediately sped up, why? Why did I continue to walk? Why was I so stupid that day? I lowered my breathing, and took slow steps, no sound. Complete ninja mode.  
"I told you he would come." Tigers Claw's voice growled in my ear. My legs froze, I needed to run... Why couldn't I? Five people surrounded me, Tiger Claw, Bepop, Rocksteady, Rahzar and Fish Face.  
"Aw its only one!" Bebop groaned.  
"But there will still the smashing." Rocksteady smiles, slamming knuckles into each other. It was trap, why couldn't I see that? I pulled out my staff, I should've run, run far away, it was better to be tired out then to be beaten to a pulp. I thought I could take them, maybe end my life, I'd deal with that. I'd go down fighting. I wasn't go down that at all that night. At least not the way I thought. Fish Face's leg slammed into my chest. I slid back. Okay Donnie that didn't matter. I ran up and slammed my staff into Bepop's neck.  
"Oh! That's nasty!" He groaned, then ducked I didn't know why until Tiger Claws fist smashed into the side of my face. The taste of blood filled my mouth, my vision fuzzed up and black dots danced.  
"Uh." My knees buckled. Talk about a bad ending. I weakly swung my leg at the shape of Rahzar.  
"Fish Face, Rahzar go find the others." Tiger Claws voice rose over the high ringing in my ear.  
"And us Tiger Claw?" Rocksteady asked. I tried to punch the large rhinoceros. Bepop laughed.  
"Kinda weak huh?"  
"Yes, I lot weaker than in brothers," Tiger Claw purred. "Rocksteady, grab Donatello. Master Shredder will have fun with him..." My vision my growing darker, rough hands pulled around my waist. I felt light... Why wasn't I fighting? Because I was weak... Not anymore. Now I was stronger. Now no one could hurt me... Because I learned my lesson. Family was useless, I was on my own, no one to trust, nobody can hurt you if you don't trust them in the first place...

 **Our** **poor** **Donnie!?** **ﾟﾘﾞ** **?** **ￂﾠ** **its** **alright** **D! We** **still** **care! Anyway** **I** **hope** **you** **liked** **my** **new** **book** **idea! Yep!**  
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 **-Ninja** **out**


	2. Change

**This chapter, is all I'm gonna say. Just be ready to freak out!**

I panted running forward, Tiger Claw laughed.

"Faster!" He growled, an ice bullet shot passed me. I yelped out, speeding up.  
"Tiger Claw make him fight some robots, that'll really tire him out." Rahzar joined in. Tears started to blur my sight as a zap filled my body. I cried out, arms grabbing at the metal collar on my neck.  
"Weakling." Fish Face hissed at me. I said nothing, keep the pain in my chest. Fish Face pulled a needle out, my heart sped up, I needed to run! I tried to pull up, Fish Face's metal foot dug into my plastron, I could feel blood force up my throat. My hands clawed into the concrete ground, my blood helplessly dropped down. Laughter pounded in my ears. Pain shot into my arm, effects immediately hit. The walls started to spin around me, numbness filled my body, I tried to look around, grip what was happening. Was I dying? No, the little sense I had told me they were putting me to sleep... Why?! Before I could answer my question I was knocked down out.

"Wake up." Raph growled, kicking me. I groaned.  
"Go away Raph." I curled further into my arms, from the cold ground I must of fell out of my bed, the nightmares. Torture... I shuddered.  
"I am not Raphael." The voice sounded deep, my eyes shot open, that wasn't Raph's voice. My eyes met cold walls, it wasn't a nightmare, it was reality.  
"Get up." Tiger Class growled, my ribs were screaming, probably kicked during my sleep. I nodded, not risking the fear of further punishment. Running, I was done running, stand to fight.

Tiger Claw threw my staff at me, I grabbed easily, twirling it comfortably through my hands. It seemed to calm me. Knowing I had my weapon in my hands. My element. I drew in a breath, what were they planning now? My question was answered immediately.  
"We have some new bots, hopefully you'd help us test them." Tiger Claw smiled, I nodded, forcing my mouth shut. No words, no pain, they know nothing if I say nothing. I was forced into a black carpeted room, I definitely never been here all those times we'd broken into Shredder's lair. The walls were thick, my eyes caught on the hidden cameras around the room, the corners, guns. My heart wouldn't stop beating.  
"Maximum turtle smashing." Rocksteady laughed, don't shake, weakness. No weakness, it was dangerous to show. Doors in the side opened, I could hear the buzz of robots, Immediately pulled into battle stance. What other weapons did I have? I felt around my belt, great my shuriken were gone. Red light came from the side walls. I closed my eyes, plan.

Silence, I didn't expect that. Lights dimmed, almost nothing. Was this the kind of thing Splinter has tried to train us for? Open the ears, nothing. My ears reached to grip any movement. A metal fist smashed across my cheek, pain flared up, I put out a foot to stabilize myself. A breath was pulled into my throat. Focus Donatello, I closed my eyes, blocking out the small red lights in the corners. I lowed my breathing, no sound. Full ninja mode.

My ears picked up on the slightest foot, another breath, my hands is position, the light bo' felt so right in my large hands. Feet spread out, ready to kick... BANG! The robot burst out, my eyes opened quickly enough for me to see my blade stab at the red and black AI. (Artificial intelligence) I grinned as the lights forced back on.

"Not so tough Shredder." I taunted. Bad mistake.

"Enough! Karai, take Donatello back to Stinkaman's lab." Shredder growled through the speakers. I shuddered, his lab? The doors opened, Karai marched through twirling a pair of handcuffs in my hands.

"I called Leo." She hissed, roughly putting on the cuffs. I nodded, my heart starting to relax. Haha, yeah, I thought they would come. Too long they took...

"Donaaatello" Stinkman stumbled over my name, I was strapped to a large board, tried to fight. No use.

"Mazzter Sheddder, what do I mutated him into?" Stinkman asked, NO! I tried to fight. I couldn't... no!

"O," Fish Face walked in. "Were you not informed of your double mutation?" He laughed, handing the evil scientist a jar of DNA. Please no, I was dreaming. This wasn't happening. Rahzar circled me, smiling. He mixed some mutagen with the DNA in a syringe.

"Holzd himzzz down." Stinkman instructed to the two other mutants.

"So Donatello, would you enjoy being a mutant turtle, bird and fish?" Fish Face asked, tears sprung to my eyes, pain hit my shoulder...

I screamed out, the straps broke over me. Blankness covered my eyes. Foot steps told me I was being backed off. Breathing suddenly became really hard, pain shot off my back. Some on started to place a tube in my mouth, air! wait, water? I could hear laughing. When my vission cleared I could see Karai above me, scared disgust, curiosity was taped over her face.

"Good job Stockman." I could hear The Shredder praise. My eyes darted across the room, everyone smiling... why?! What did I look like? Fish Face dragged a mirror at me. NO! not like this, I couldn't look like this! Generally i'd be scared of April's reaction, now it was my brothers. My face had two tears on the side, gills. A black tube was placed in my mouth to help me breath. Light skin was connected in my fingers, out of my shell were large black and brown wings, they curled over me. My shoulders were covered with feathers. I couldn't shaking. This couldn't be real! I spread out my wings, fly away! I tried to leap up. The electric collar zapped me, I forgot about that. WHY?! Why was this happening to me?!

"What you think?" Rahzar growled in my ear. I sobbed, no. I didn't ask for this! why was this happening?

"No," I sobbed. "Change me back."

Shredder laughed. "I don't think that would be happening soon. Bepop, Rocksteady take the freak home." First my heart lifted, home? no he meant my cell.

"Haha!" Bepop laughed, he re-cuffed me. My wings were heavy, I tucked them around my shell. If I did this on purpose I would've spent hours pouring over books, learning to fly grasp what was happening in my muscles and new feathers. No. No more old life... now I was really a freak...

 **AHH! Donnie! hehe so nice! i hope you liked this chapter!**

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 **-Ninja out**


	3. Finding Donnie and loosing him

**I updated! This one is really long! For me well... I hope you like it!**

Pain, that in one word is what I felt. I found curling my wings over my shell was the best way to hold them. My new gills were weird, occasionally one of Shredder's hench men would in to change my water, I was a fish. The words sounded so wrong, I was too scared to let them slip out my mouth. Bird, from my wings I concluded I was a Bueto playtptures or Broad Winged Hawk. My turtle features were still strong, feet barely changed, still large, but small claws came off my toes which were slightly thinner. The feathers on my shoulders were dark brown, blending into my thinner,lighter green skin. Some parts of my fingers were in chips, scales. Leading to my webbed hands. The underwings were white. Some part of me longed to be free, the sky, I needed a small fresh water pond... Rahzar placed a mirror in my cell, just to see how much of a freak I was...

Karai walked into my cell, she held a largish water container, I nodded and took in a large breath of water.

"In India,Oscar will tango while playing golf in a hotel in November." The words slipped from her mouth. I frowned. It made no sense, course it didn't... A code! I smiled at the snake mutant, her brown eyes glinted. Once she left a felt free to 'breathe' in the water. Right, so a word code. I replayed the words... India, tango, hotel... Phonetic alphabet! India, was I... Oscar O, tango T, golf G, hotel H, November N...

"What...?" I asked out loud..

"What,What?" Rahzar asked. I bit back my lip.

"What... What's going to happen to me?" I asked. Rahzar laughed.

"That doesn't matter, you won't live much longer..." The words hit me... I didn't want to die, not yet. So many things I wanted to make... Keep back on track, it'll be alright. No it wasn't.

Hmmm... I racked my brain, good thing I didn't become dumber because of my mutation. Tonight! Yes! It made sense, although one T, probably couldn't fit in another tango, I remember I forced Leo to learn it in case we needed to send out messages. So he actually remembered...

Tonight, that seemed forever away, and my day torture was still coming. Just a few hours you can make it through that. Come on. I could, but that wasn't the end... I always viewed myself a realist, looking back I was really optimistic thinking they would come and save me. Thinking I'd be alright...

Screams echoed as I banged on the cage.

"Please." My legs broke under me, I felt my body drop. Fish Face grinned, stabbing the taser into my plastron. Electricity surged through. I spat out my water tube, that was dangerous. At the time it seemed a smart idea, it was horrible. Water, air I needed it. The red mutant laughed.

"I don't think you deserve this back." My sight blurred as I clawed at him. Black dots.

"Give it back, this isn't the worst." Rahzar shrugged, his claws ripped open my mouth to stuff it in. Don't let the tears come, can't let them fall...

* * *

I hunched in the corner, trying to regain my breath. No light, I couldn't see how long my family would take.

"Shh," Leo hissed. "Karai said he'd be around here some where." My heart lifted. They came, I was going to be alright.

"Dude, there's a shadow of there"

Mikey whispered. My ears told me above me, yes they were close.

"Raph you go." Leo whispered.

"No, I ain't asking some stranger if he's seen our brother. My wings were folded over me, they probably thought I was a mutant bird.

"He is here," I said loudly. They hopped down. "If your looking for Donatello."

"Um," Leo asked. "Do you mind telling us where?" I drew in a breath, that just proved it. I was so freaked up my own brothers couldn't recolonise me. My mouth felt dry.

"You're looking at him." The sob was hard to hold back. Leo's face broke.

"Oh... Donnie, what did they do to you?" He and Raph knelt down, allowing me to put my arms around there shoulders. I couldn't hold myself, I just allowed myself to fall into my older brothers arms. Raph smiled at me. Pity, I could see it. There eyes shone with it.

"They... They tripled mutated me." My wings ached so I pulled them out, every bone stretching far as possible.

"Woah!" Mikey shouted.

"Turtle, bird." Leo counted off my animal parts.

"Fish." I finished, showing my webbed hands in the small lights.

"You'll need a new mutant name!" Mikey said excitingly. I shook my head.

"Or I can just stay with my old name?" I moaned, my legs were too weak to run. I felt Raph lift me up and take me to the back of his shell.

"Its alright bro'" Raph whispered. I nodded into his shell.

Once we got into the Shell Razor Raph set me on my chair.

"So what should you be?" Mikey asked excitingly. "Super..." He grinned.

"I don't want a new name!" I shouted, Mikey jumped.

"I'm... I'm sorry dude." Mikey sunk into his chair. My heart flipped.

"I'm sorry Mikey," I muttered. Raph's face was pale. "Look, truthfully I'm scared. That escape, it was too easy. I mean it's Shredder! I don't know which reality you've been living in but... I..." All three sets of eyes were set on me. "I just can't take this." I bowed my head. They knew the truth now.

"Its alright D!" Mikey smiled, putting an arm around me, I could feel my feather ends dig into me. "You don't need a new name! It's just tradition, and I thought you'd want to!" He explained. He was trying, he really was. I could hear it in his tone. But cheering me up wasn't going to happen easily...

When we got back I slipped to my room.

"I just need space." I pleaded. Leo nodded. "Sure"

"I'll bring dinner in later? What you want on your pizza?" Mikey asked. Leo must of read my pleading look. "How about you make something simple Mikey? And I think some clean water," Leo smiled, nudging my tube.

"Yeah I'll need to upgrade this." I turned around.

"Donnie!" Raph shouted. I gave a silent annoyed sigh.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly, his hand gripped my shoulder tightly.

"We're here for you bro'.' He promised. I nodded.

"OK." my voice came out a scared whisper. Raph's eyes were relaxed and attempting comfort. I allowed a smile to slip.

"Don't stay in your room forever." Leo smiled, he waved me off.

Three days.

It was peaceful, but painful. Waterbottles were placed outside

my door.

"I don't know how much you'll need." Leo explained nervously. I grinned.

"It's alright." I promised, taking the liquid to my bedroom.

"Sensei, wants to speak to you." He said. I flinched, Master Splinter? I drew in a breath of water, my gills absorbed the oxygen. I smiled as my new organs relaxed, half of me wanted to cut me up to see my new body make up, no more lungs...

"Only became it's Master Splinter." I said slowly, Leo smiled.

"Yeah, he won't bite." He laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"Its only been 2 weeks since I've seen him I'm not going to forget that." I stumbled out.

"Donatello." Splinter greeted me. His arm reached out, placing a paw on my curled wings. His eyes scanned my change.

"Father?" I asked. Splinter hid his face.

"Donatello, Leonardo informed me of what happened under Shredder's custody. I bowed.

"Hai sensei." Splinter studied my face. For once I didn't try to hide it, Splinter was the one person I still really trusted. Yesterday I over heard Leo and Raph talk about Casey and April. They were at the farm house together, dating... Mikey was trying to keep me happy, Raph tried to help, but he wasn't the best person you'd go to after an experience like the one I'd felt... Leo kept his distance, lucky.

"You have been keeping distant from us," I nodded "we're your family, you cannot ever forget that," I said nothing. "That is why I want you to go on patrol with your brothers tonight."

"No! No disrespect sensei but I can't! I'm too weak! I'll get pumled in a fight."

"I did not say you had to fight, I simply said to join them, and you have to spend the rest of the day with them." I frowned, generally I'd be fine with that, it would be Raph complaining and growling about some excuse or another.

"Hai." I said reluctantly, bowing.

* * *

So that's the story of how I found myself sitting on the floor of the lounge room, my wings half spread out. Mikey pulled some board games out, laying it on a table Leo found in the sewers yesterday. It had a light scratched pink coat, legs had several chips into it. I smiled.

"What we playing?" I asked, Splinter's words rushed over me, this was my family.

"Monopoly, Cluedo, Panic um... Scrabble."

"Aww we all know who wins those games." Leo laughed groaned. I allowed a smile.

"It's really easy, it just one word. Strategy."

"That, and Mikey's really easy to bribe." Raph laughed.

"I am not!" Mikey protested.

"Fine, you can't have this entire pepperoni, jellybean and jalapeño pizza to yourself if you give me your first monopoly." Raph smiled.

"Really?!" Mikey grinned.

"No! Raph, just play, I'll deal the money." Leo gave his I'm the leader better listen to me look.

"You do it too Leo." Raph grumbled, picking up his piece in his hands.

"Yeah, but I do it in a more strategical way, Donnie too." Leo admitted in a low voice.

"Seriously dude?!" Mikey shouted as I layer down my three sets. "How?! Every time! Not fair." Mikey kicked his money across the floor.

"Hey! Getting angry for no reason is my thing!" Raph growled, slamming a foot into the table. Splinters flew lightly off. Leo bit back his lip.

"Or you guys can just forget the fact that Donnie is seriously smarter than everyone here." He shrugged, if I wasn't as smart as I was I would've thought they lost to make me feel better.

"That's not a word!" Mikey shouted, coming into the room, green cup cakes on a tray.

"Is that edible?" Raph asked in disgust.

"I don't know? But that word does not exist." He looked at my word spelled across the Scrabble. I smiled. "Yeah it is."

"That shouldn't be allowed! Not long words!" Mikey placed down the food.

"Just leave it alone, it's English, not Japanese." He looked at Leo, who earlier decided to write Kame, the Japanese word for turtle. Leo rolled his eyes.

"What ever, just like Raph said let's keep playing... That'll be twenty-three points... Yep another high number from Don." Leo muttered, marking down the paper.

"Donnie take a cup cake!" Mikey demanded, shoving the horribly decorated 'cake' at my face.

"Um, does a spew bag come with this?" I asked, giving a light smile. Leo smiled back.

"Year sure I'll go check?" He pretended to stand up.

"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Mikey shouted, angry blush coveted his cheeks.

"I'm just kidding." I said gently, trying to get rid of my smile. "So when's April and Casey getting home?" I asked, pulling up facial muscles.

"Oh... You heard that?" Leo looked scared. "I'm sorry, we should of told you... I guess." Leo struggled to think what to speak.

"It doesn't matter." I said impatiently, try to hide it. Don't see my face. I curled my wings up, dropping my head down.

"Donnie?" Raph asked.

"I'll be fine! Its just a girl." I growled.

"No its not," Leo lightly messaged the top bend of my wings which felt soothing.

"Yeah D, you deserve way better than April." Raph smiled.

"She won't even like me now, I'm a freak of nature." I muttered.

"No your not!" Mikey shouted immediately. Leo and Raph looked at me confused.

"Why would you say that? You never said that before?" Raph frowned.

"That's be cause it didn't matter before, least I looked like something, now I look like some experiment gone wrong, only its not..." I trailed off.

"Your Not A Freak," Mikey said firmly looking me straight in the eye. "Call yourself that and I'll slap you." He said.

"Why?! I am?! I..." I was cut off from a slap across the cheek. "Hey!"

"Donnie please, we want to help," Leo begged. "And we can't do that with out you. Your my little brother, I love you." He said. I nodded. His words hit, I wasn't helping them. Even Raph was mostly keeping in his temper.

"Sorry." I sobbed.

"Look it doesn't matter bro' time for patrol," Leo said confidently.

"Just remember no matter what, we have your back."

"And your shell, and wings." Mikey laughed.

"Yeah..." I backed away as Mikey tried to hug me.

"That's enough for Donnie for the day." Raph roughly grabbed the ends of Mikey's mask.

"What ever!" Leo shouted, tackle hugging all of us. "I love you little brothers!"

 **2000 words! Boom! Be proud! Double my normal amount! Sorry no spaces... Using my phone to update...**

 **Aww our babies! Yay Donnie's alright!... Sort of...hehe Leo, poor Don! Apriltello's gone! Yes! Burn in shell stupid half canon!**

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 **-Ninja our**


	4. Forget Everything And Run

**An update! yay! I liked the chapter name... pretty smart a? guys... yeah... ^^ i hope you like this one! ahh Casril...no April doesn't deserve him after she tortures Donnie! just tell him you don't like him! anyway just read!**

I tapped on my lab table. Voices, "April, Casey!" Leo shouted. My heart dropped, April. Casey, there was no doubt he would rub in my face that he got her.

"You found Donnie?" April sounded worried, almost scared. Silence.  
"Yeah... But he's... Changed..." Leo said nervously.  
"How?!" Casey shouted, excitement. I wanted to laugh out. Leo's voice dropped, I couldn't understand what he was saying. I couldn't take it, the pounding on my heart.  
"Like this." I spread my wings out, I could see April and Casey quickly break apart. I quickly shielded my eyes from their sight. Casey grinned.  
"Dude!" Casey shouted. "You look epic!" I folding my wings back.  
"Yeah, that's what you think..." I muttered.  
"Bird turtle man!" Casey grinned.  
"Turtle, bird and fish." I corrected. Casey's eyes widened.  
"That's even cooler! Your so metal!" Casey's hands reached for my wings, I shot them up, the touch felt so weird against my feathers.  
"Its alright D." Mikey whispered. I said nothing. No it wasn't.

"Who did this to you?" April asked, no eye contact.  
"Shredder." My voice came out disgusted, hate, fear.  
"Oh." Casey's voice dropped.  
"That's right oh!" I snapped. "While you two were busy making out in the farm house I was stuck in Shredder's lair getting tortured!" My voice had ridden over its scared whisper. My heart was slamming against my chest.  
"It's alright now." April's arms started to wrap around me.  
"Get off me!" I growled, pushing myself back.  
"Donnie," Leo said quietly. "Nobody cares if you're more of a mutant."  
"Yeah if anything you're cooler!" Mikey added. I said nothing, the bad thing about us being so close is we knew so much about each other and reading each other facial expressions wasn't hard.  
"We're not trying to flatter you Donnie." Raph smiled, it was genuine. I managed a smile, I wanted to help them, but I how could I when I couldn't help myself?  
"How about some air? We're all stuffy here." Leo decided. I nodded, plus I wanted to try out my wings.

I sprinted to the edge, drawing in some water. It was so much more comfortable than the tube I Wad given in Stinkman's lab. Light almost invisible tubes in my gills, curling behind my shell, hiding inside a small leather box on my modified belt. The good thing about it is I could hide my water supply by curling over my wings. The edge was so full in my view. One mistake, just one and I'll go crashing to my doom... Flying, I'd dreamed of it my whole life my inventions fulfilled my dream, least I thought it had.  
"Donnie! What are you doing?!" Raph shouted, he sounded scared. Oh shell, they thought I was trying to kill myself. I smiled at them.  
"Its alright!" My voice sounded blurred in the thick wind. I stepped off...

The wings caught the wind, the feeling, I can't explain. I felt complete, I pulled my wings into a dive, reaching out my hand to touch my brothers.  
"Your the D man!" Mikey shouted, arms shooting up. I smiled lifting up my head, I could stay here forever, plus I didn't need air, I got more water before we left on patrol. It should last a couple of hours. Freedom, how I longed for it,you don't understand, you couldn't.

"Dude that was amazing!" Leo smiled, he reached for my wings. I tucked them info my shell.  
"Now all we need is some kraang and I got a really good night!" Raph commented, I noted on his words. Only the kraang, no foot bots or purple dragons. Both working for the Shredder is name sent a fearful shudder down my spine. I smiled, Master Splinter had been personally training and meditating with me to build up my physical and 'spiritual' strength.  
"Yeah, that would be good." I nodded, pulling out my staff.  
"Looking for kraang!" Casey pulled out his hockey stick. April shrugged, she relaxed her body againsts Casey's, his hands pulled April's tightly. They were together, and I was alone.  
"You'll find someone else." Leo put a reassuring hand on my feathered shoulder.  
"Maybe." I slipped quietly, one day...

* * *

"YES!" Raph shouted, my eye caught the kraang. I pulled out my staff, immediatly I relaxed, its alright Donnie. They can't get with your family here. Casey and April smile at each other, and running to the field. I pulled out my wings, letting them catch the wind as I ran to the seven kraang.

"BOYAKASHA!" Mikey laughs, sprinting forward.

"Come on Donnie its alright." Leo's eyes met mine, I tried for a confident nod. My shoulders were heavily shaking. Raph put an arm around me.

"Come on bro' its just kraang we can deal with them." Raph's eyes were soft, trying to help me. I nodded.

"Ok." I sobbed, I was gonna be alright.

"It is the one called Donatello." One human skinned kraang. My body shook, they wanted me... why?! My shaking was pulled in tighter.

"Yes... the one called The Shredder did the thing called ask for him."

"No." I moaned, my legs started to buckle.

"Donnie!" Raph's voice blurred in the distance.

"Mikey grab him! we're leaving!" Leo ordered. Hands grabbed me. I didn't want to go back, my wings hit the ground.

"It's alright D." Mikey soothed. Padding feet pounded in my ears.

"No its not." I sobbed... my eyes dropped...

* * *

"I don't think Donnie's well sensei... what ever happened in there with Shredder..." Leo's voice trailed off outside my door, I felt around my room. Defiantly mine, I fully opened my eyes, light blared out my door. My heart was hammering... I remembered the battle... I was a coward. So weak.

"Donnie's awake!" Mikey shouted, he jumped in, I pulled myself back how did he know?

"Donnie!" Leo smiled, opening my door, he sat on my head. "You were moving." He explained.

"Oh..." I blushed, that was dumb, I mentally smacked myself.

"How you feeling Donatello?" Splinter looked directly at me, I pulled off my covers. My mask and staff were on my bedside table, and lent across the wall next to me. I fiddled with my T-phone.

"I don't know sensei..." I bowed my head. "Now the kraang are after me... for Shredder. Sensei I'm scared, I don't want them to get me again." The tears fell. Arms wrapped around me.

"Your safe here Donnie." Leo whispered in my ear. I nodded.

"If we do loose you again we'll search the city up and down for you... I promise no matter what. " Raph hugged me the tightest. We all changed that night... I felt it, Raph was softer to me... but I needed it... I smiled.

"Thank you." I whispered.

 **AWW cute scene! i love these guys! *fangirls* hehe now the kraang after him... dun dun DUUUUNNNN! hehe always wanted to say that! yep i should be in a mental hospital... but im not! im writing crazy turtle fan fic about torture and double mutation! *evil smile* well thats the update for the next couple of weeks!**

 **Fav/review/fav**

 **-Ninja out**


	5. Training

**Intensity! thats all im gonna say! have fun! *evil smile***

I couldn't stop shaking, the Shredder, Purple Dragons, now the Kraang after me... Why was I so special? I could tell I gained weight some weight from back under the Shredder's custody, I studied my wrist under my lamp. Bones, I thought the wrappings we wore over our wrists would cover them, I'd forgotten the fact my entire arm was mostly bone.

"You feeling OK?" Leo whispered as we walked passed my door, I directed my eyes away from him.  
"Hey Donnie?" Leo sat on my bed, a light hand was rubbed on my neck. "It'll all over soon, I promise." I didn't want to see his eyes, or he see mine.  
"You don't know that." I moaned.  
"No... No I don't," Leo admitted. "But you need to trust me, please your my little brother." Leo's hand was shaking as he gripped mine.  
"I know Leo... But, I want to hope that everything will be alright...please." I sobbed, I wanted to something I was never going to get.  
"Donatello." Splinter's voice said quietly. I jerked up my head.  
"Sensei?" That name... What was it? It was the name of an inventor, a scientist, fighter... He hoped, he wanted more than he could get. He stood by the people that he thought could help... The people that lied. His eyes weren't trying to hide his fear.  
"My son, are gifted with a beautiful mind, but you can't understand that we are not perfect... Please trust us, and we will never abandon you." I took in a nervous whiff of water. I trusted them, didn't I? Raph came in, I guess they realised that massaging the tip of my wings calmed me, because that's what Raph started doing. I closed my eyes, don't let the tears fall... Please no... I clenched my fist.  
"I... I don't know." I bowed my head, using my wings to try and cover my head..  
"Its alright Don." Raph smiled.  
"What are family for?!" Mikey hugged me. I smiled, he must of snuck in. Family, that word. What did it mean?  
"Just please don't forger no matter what... We're here for you." Leo said, I gave a slow nod.  
"I'll...try." I gave a low reluctant nod.  
"That's all can you do." Raph smiled.

"He's getting worse... Those kraang really scared him." Leo muttered from the dojo, I closed my eyes. My hand pulled back from the fridge. My heart was speeding up, were they talking about me? My wings started to drop on the floor.

"Hey Donnie?" Raph whispered, they must of stopped for a drink break. I bit in my lip.

"I'm alright!" I growled, Raph jumped back.

"Woah dude... I didn't ask?" Raph was trying to hold back some emotion. I couldn't grip which one...

"I'm... sorry..." We're the only words I could find. Raph nodded, he was trying so hard, trying to be strong for me. I pulled my wings up, making a mental note to clip them soon.

"Donatello?" Splinter said quietly, I jumped. Where did he come from?!

"Yes sensei?" I asked, lowering my neck into my shell. Splinter's eyes did not fail to show me how scared he was of me. Worry was an emotion that seemed to shine in everyone's eyes towards me. Make them see my point of view! You be tortured, you get triple mutated, you... My face screwed up.

"Donatello?" Splinter looked scared at me, I allowed the tear to fall.

"Yes?" I asked, my fist was clenched, hidden behind my wing.

"Would you like continue our 'sessions?'" He asked, I nodded.

"Yes please sensei." I admitted, I trusted him, he wasn't part of my rescue mission. Splinter smiled.

"TV time!" Mikey shouted, he sprinted from the kitchen straight to the beanie. I frowned, that was my beanie. Ok not officially, but that was the one I'd taken to pretty much BE mine. I followed Master to the dojo, he sat under the tree and gestured next to him. I nodded and sat next to him.

"Breath Donatello," Splinter said, I took in a fresh gulp of water. "Slowly," His voice was calming, my muscles relaxed. Shoulders set in a tensed, sinking into my shoulder. Time seemed to sink by and Splinter spoke softly to help me. Splinter shook my shoulder lightly. "It's alright," He pulled his hand up, explaining it was time for the other part of my training.

"CHRIS AWESOME ATTACK!" Was shouted from outside the door. I rolled my eyes, normal occasion I would be in my lab. Studying, actually using my time... Now there was no point, I was caved in a house of traitors. Of liars, the kind of people you put your hope and trust into... just to get squeezed into nothing... just the voice of a memory of who you used to be... Splinter pulled out a spare staff, he went to attack me, I quickly flipped back, my knees started to buckle. I breathed in. My landing struggling. Splinter looked at me, I nodded, falling back into a battle stance. Splinter looked at me scared. I forced a smile and tried to charge at me. My fist curled into a punch. Splinter allowed me to punch him. My knuckles hurt as they hit his snout, no! Why was I so weak?! Splinter looked at me, lightly flipping me to the ground. I groaned, pulling my self to my feet. My feet were struggling to hold me.

"Do you want to end?" Master Splinter looked at me, I knew he was worried for my safety.

"No!" I said, panting. I sprinted at him, my fist forward. Legs giving my a boost, my skin felt fur, Splinter stumbled back. A smile was flashed at me, my legs broke under me. Once Splinter caught himself, he grabbed me.

"Well done my son." I bowed my head.

"Thank you Master Splinter." I hugged him, face buried into his kimono. Splinter held me tightly.

"There they are!" Rahzar's voice rung through the lair. My knees buckled. Splinter was trying to hold me.

"It's alright." He whispered. I shook my head, why me?!

"You can't have him!" Leo growled. I smiled, they pretended to care back then. Liars. My body was giving in, no point to fight... no... Blackness was the final thing I saw...

* * *

Light slammed in my face. "Wake up!" Shredder growled. I groaned. My nightmare was here...

 **MWHAHA! more torture! i wasn't done before! aww he hates his bros! its ok! youll hate them more later! just wait a bit kay don? ok! *grins and pats his head* your soo cute donnie! i wanna squeeze your cheeks! ahlvk,vldf,mvlkdfmv... i mean *coughs* yeah good chapter... *looks around nervously* right...**

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 **-Ninja out**


	6. A harder life

**Aww** **this** **chapter! Sad! Our** **Donnie! :(... Wah** **won't** **spoil...**

I collapsed on the floor in Stockman's lab, pulling in my water to help me calm down. Rahzar was holding the chain that connected to my neck. The irony. My legs curled up to my chest, arms barely supporting me.  
"This better work Stinkman." Rahzar warned. I'd given up struggling 3 months ago. I was gone. The only reason I was still laying on the floor was because Shredder wouldn't let me die. Forcing me food every 2 weeks.  
"It will," Baxter bowed his head. He was holding some metal head device. "Donatello will notzzz struggle." How much the words stung it was true. I wouldn't. If Shredder threw me on a street to die I would be greatfull. I'd embrace the knife. The tears rolled off my cheeks. I was an animal. A slave, slave to the fact I was alone. The first 2 weeks I waited for my brothers to come. Slowly the my patience was eaten away. Slowly I lowered the bar over my back. My fist clenched. I thought they cared. Family? Liars. Rahzar kicked me to a chair. I didn't even waste my time wincing. The fly mutant attached straps to my ankles and wrists. My wings were screaming against the metal board. They were broken and Fish Face pretty much destroyed them when he clipping them. All though a bunch of the feathers had grown back, it still felt like just bones.

Stockman strapped the metal thing on my head. I could barely hold my head up.  
"Now turtle... You will help the Shredder." Baxter hissed at me. My heart was racing. No! Was this a mind reading thing?! Were did Stinkman make this? I took in more water. Just calm down Donatello. Everything will be OK. You'll never give anything away. That was before the pain hit. I screamed out. My survival that was all that mattered in that moment. My hands reached to grab the machine. I couldn't focus on anything. Nothing was falling into place. I was thrashing. I was locked up... What?! My throat was barely supporting my cry for help. Words were muffles. But laughter seemed dominant. Whose, once again I couldn't making out. Plastic started to slide out my mouth... What... My chest was suddenly in lots of pain. It needed... I needed. I tried to open my eyes. It was like a force stopping it. I... Need...

It stopped. Fish Face's slimy hands forced my water tube back in. I took it in.  
"Now Donatello." Shredder said quietly. "You will help Baxter Stockman kill your family." His voice was soft, it was painful to hear how calm he was about murder. What was family? A blood line? Blood was nothing. I'd probably lost litres. I'd fallen far. Looking back those months, I grew to pity myself. Not what I am. Who I was. I'd stitched the mask of fear on. Every time the needle went in I screamed. Now you couldn't hear me. I finally understood my purpose. Nothing. You live, you die. You get thrown around a couple times. The sun was like a worn photograph. It won't rise. It won't light the world... It is nothing. I raised my head looking at shredder. In wanted to tell him were the lair was. One problem. Master Splinter. He cared for me. Tried to train me. He didn't give up when I did. What they do? Let me get tortured?! Get double mutated?! Did I even matter?! Shouldn't they have come by now?!  
"Well turtle?!" Rahzar demanded. He sent a punch at my jaw. Blood welled up in my mouth. I panted, opening my mouth slightly allowing to let it come out.  
"I don't know." I said, my stomach was clawing at its self again. Nausea, building up in my chest again.  
"Say it again." Tiger claw growled. I narrowed my eyes. Thanks to the hawk part of me my sight had become better, being able to see the slightest detail a kilometres away with out trouble. I wiggled my lip, struggling to form the words.  
"I... Don't know." I looked at the ground. Tiger grabbed my shell.  
"You say no to me?!" He growled. He threw me across the room. My wings landed in a painful way. I could feel the fact that they were broken. The sound of a sword. I said nothing, keep my head in the ground. Someone grabbed my shell, my plastron dug into my chest. Of course I said nothing allowing him to punch my chest repeatably. This was not helping my nausea.

I moaned I felt my food start to crawl up my throat. This was not going to end well. I didn't say anything. That would result in a harder beating.

I wasn't going to lie saying I didn't feel better as my stomach forced itself out. It wasn't pretty. Brown mush mainly water blood in chunks littered it. If we take away the fact Tiger Claw and Rahzar were sprayed with it. If I wasn't captured but Shredder, and being beaten my his henchmen. It would've been really funny. Rahzar released me. I landed with a thud. I closed my eyes and tried to ease my pain. Tiger Claw kicked me.  
"Disgusting creature!" He growled. His foot slamming into my jaw. My gums struggled to hold my teeth in place.  
"Take it back, Donatello will work for me." Shredder said slowly, I heard the smile in his voice...

I was in the corner of my room. Hugging my knees. It seemed to relax me. I didn't fully know why though... Foot steps. I jerked my head up.  
"We're are you?!" I demanded, ignoring by legs begging to give them rest, I stood up.  
"Shhh D, I can't save you if they know I'm here." Mikey whispered. He walked towards me. That Mikey smile.  
"Hey Donnie you lost some weight?" He grinned, putting an arm around me. "We need to get to the farm house." He said, his voice low, cautious. He was hiding something. One thing about me is I hate secrets or not knowing what's happening.  
"What?!" I demanded. Mikey looked like he wanted to cry..  
"I'll tell you when we get out." The look he was giving me scared me. I nodded.

"Explain." I growled, when we got to the party wagon. Mikey looked at me.  
"We need to get away... See Leo didn't want me to save you, he said it was better to loose one brother then two." That was what broke me. Leo thought I was a lost cause.  
"What about Master Splinter?!" Mikey turned his gaze away from me.  
"I'm sorry Donnie... I didn't understand either..."  
"What about Karai?! They risked there lives to save her! I risked my life!" Tears rolled down my cheek. It was over. Mikey hugged me. "We still have each other." He whispered. I nodded. Mikey climbed into the driving seat. He threw me some light food. I smiled. Least somebody still cared.

 **Aww** **Mikey** **and** **Donnie! But** **poor** **Donnie! He** **thinks** **his** **family** **hates** **him! *sobs*anyway** **I'm** **gonna** **try and** **update** **soon... TRY! Haha** **yolo** **bye!**  
 **Fav/review/follow**  
 **-Ninja** **out**


	7. A monster

**Deep! Ahh** **my** **baby! sorry its short  
**

I breathed deeply, Mikey was different... the way he was looking at me, fear. Was this because of the monster I became? Because Shredder tore me apart. All I wanted to do was live, what was so wrong about that? What was so bad about that?

"D? You ok?" Mikey frowned, blue eyes laced with worry. Even under the shaded farm house hat he wore I could tell he was scared. I forced a smile, but wasn't very hard to see my painful lie between my shaking lips and the fact my eyes wouldn't hit a single target. Mikey nodded. That was thing I loved most about Mikey. He stayed strong, or at least tried. For me. That was just the kid of person Mikey was, he knew when you were hurting. Then gave himself the job of cheering you up. He was my best friend and no matter what happens... I'll just for him.

"There are lights on!" Someone shouted side the house. I froze. I knew that voice... Mikey shoved me towards my room. Pain shot up my boney shoulder. I winced, Mikey looked back at me. I noticed the apology in her eyes, but at the same time got his message. Hide! Blankets curled over me I tried to listen to make out what was said. Mikey's voice was raised. Who was it?  
"No! Leave him alone!" Mikey screamed. Me? Were the Foot here? Kraang? Dread was sinking in. No, I allowed the sob to rise higher. Then again... Where the gun shots? The fighting screams.  
"Get away!" He growled.  
"Michelangelo let us see our brother!" Leo shouted. Leo... No... My heart was screaming. The traitor... The liar...

 _I_ _sighed_ _laying_ _down_ _the_ _pencil. Water... I_ _stretched_ _my_ _hand_ _over_ _the_ _old_ _desk, dust_ _brushing_ _away_ _as_ _my_ _webbed_ _hands_ _drew_ _it_ _away_. _Time_ _waring_ _down_ _my_ _eyes._  
 _"D?" Mikey_ _frowned, walking_ _slowly_ _into_ _my_ _room. I_ _forced_ _a_ _smile,_ _no_ _matter_ _how_ _much_ _it_ _hurt_ _I_ _lived_ _by_ _a_ _new_ _rule. Keep_ _Mikey_ _happy... Even_ _if_ _it_ _was_ _lie. The_ _pity_ _in_ _his_ _eye_ _hurt_ _me. Least_ _my_ _wings_ _were_ _healing. Hadn't_ _flown_ _in_ _what_ _felt_ _like_ _years. Mikey_ _was_ _staring_ _at_ _me. His_ _eyes_ _full_ _of_ _wonder. I_ _clenched_ _my_ _jaw._  
 _"I'm_ _fine." I_ _growled, before_ _he_ _burst_ _with_ _questions. Mikey_ _nodded, I_ _get_ _the_ _feeling_ _he'd_ _given_ _up_ _with_ _the_ _hesitant_ _broken_ _heart._  
 _"I_ _brought_ _your_ _coffee." Mikey_ _said_ _down_ _the_ _mug_ _on_ _my_ _table. I_ _smiled_ _at_ _him._  
 _"You_ _didn't_ _have_ _any_ _before_ _right?" Painful_ _memorises_ _rising. Mikey_ _shook_ _his_ _head._  
 _"Not_ _this_ _time."_  
 _This_ _time... What_ _did_ _those_ _words_ _mean? Did_ _it_ _mean_ _everything_ _would_ _be_ _the same...? But_ _nothing_ _ever was... My_ _fist_ _clenched under the_ _table. I_ _was_ _so_ _alive. Life_ _at_ _his_ _highest_ _peak. An_ _amazing_ _family, people_ _that_ _would_ _stand_ _by_ _my_ _side_ _no_ _matter_ _what... So_ _I_ _thought. Until_ _I_ _was_ _tortured. Triple_ _mutated... Broken down... Now_ _I_ _was_ _nothing. Crying_ _myself_ _to_ _sleep, silently_ _hiding_ _under_ _my_ _bed. Only_ _myself_ _to_ _sooth_ _the_ _memories_ _that_ _sunk_ _to_ _yhe_ _surface_ _every_ _night. My_ _wings_ _were_ _starting_ _to_ _relax. Message... Yes_ _he_ _knew_ _we're_ _to_ _hit. I_ _smiled_ _at_ _him. Mikey_ _grinned._  
 _"What_ _you_ _writing?" He_ _asked, I_ _placed_ _the_ _book_ _to_ _my_ _chest. On_ _my_ _heart... Right_ _where_ _it_ _hurt_ _the_ _most._  
 _"Donnie?" He_ _asked, hand_ _reaching_ _to_ _my_ _journal. I_ _slapped his hand away._ _The_ _hurt_ _in_ _his_ _eyes, hurt more than_ _it_ _really_ _should've. Mikey_ _shook_ _his head. All_ _he'd_ _given_ _to_ _me. Protected_ _me_ _from...my_ _demons. Or_ _as_ _what_ _they_ _call_ _themselves... My_ _brothers... Traitors..._

Tears were rolling down my cheek.  
"You... Can't..." Mikey groaned... I shook my head into my pillow. Why was he here? What did he want?!  
"MICHELANGELO!" Leo's voice had warning in it.  
"Just leave him alone." Mikey sobbed, they were right out my door now. I stood up.  
"Leave me alone!" I shouted. "Why did you come here anyway you wanted me dead!" I growled. The fear in Leo's face was obvious. Eyes darting to grip me. It confused me...he looked at me like I was lying to get out of something...  
"Donnie..." He softly whispered. The urge to punch him was strong, but in my condition I'd do more damage to myself. Leo drew in a breath. He leaped forward. I put a foot back. An attack! This just proved. Hands were going around my shell. Was he hugging me?

 **Donnie! Its** **ok! He** **wants** **to** **help** **you! No** **stop! Wah! *slams** **fist** **on** **floor** **sobbing***  
 **Haha** **kidding... But** **that's it** **feels** **writing** **this! Haha...wahh!**  
 **fav/review/follow**  
 **-Ninja** **out**


	8. Authors note

hey my homies! XD really sorry this isnt an update but i should peobably say this so you dont sit there waiting for an update ill be going on a break so i can work on my other book Blade, which is what im working with my friends on my wattpad accountif you wanna check it out! ^^

-Blurb

 **In a world where scientifically modifying yourself to become a human weapon Max is determine to discover the cause of this so called solution to the problem... The world told him its because of global warming and things beyond man's control... But he's determined its something so much so much more painful than that...**

but yeah i wanna get that done! :p so im sorry i will try and get some updates up! the books i like cause this is on most of my books just yeah once again really sorry guys!

-Ninja out


	9. One more chance

**Umm** **how** **long** **has** **it** **been? *nervously** **sweats* oh** **well** **here** **is** **chapter 8... XD** **hope** **you** **guys** **are** **happy** **now! This** **is** **just** **a** **regular** **chapter**

I struggled in Leo's arms.  
"Donnie." Leo whispered. His arm's were trying to keep me in place. I shook my head.  
"Please stop." I whimpered, maybe my wings could help me free. At the moment Raph decided to bolt through the door.

"Donatello!" Raph grinned. Leo looked up, locking eyes with the hot headed turtle. Raph's face turned grim and gave a low nod. I bit in my lip.  
"What do you want?!" I screamed out. Slamming my shoulder's against Leo's. "To take me back to Shredder?!" I growled. Leo frowned. His grip loosened on me, he slowly backed away. Horror gleaming through his eyes.  
"Donatello please I love you." Leo whispered. I shook my head.  
"STOP LYING!" I screamed, covering my hands over my ears and screaming. My eyes drooped close, as the darkness started to envelop me, I allowed my knees to break. The pounding of feet.  
"See!" Mikey shouted. "This is what you did to him."My brother!" He growled, a smile was folding in... Mikey was good, Mikey was safe to around.  
"Mikey I was only acting on sensei's orders." Leo protested.  
"Master Splinter doesn't want Donnie dead you do Leonardo!" Mikey growled. Mikey grunted, I opened my eyes to see Raph shove Mikey across the room.  
"Shut up Mikey! No one wants Donnie dead!"  
"Yeah you do..." I mumbled. I was just the useless scientist, used. Tortured through my own life, science wasn't just a hobby, it was religion. Required time, dedication, sense was the only thing that brought me peace. This is what science created though, a mumbling freak curled on the floor too scared to confront anything.  
"Shut up!" Raph warned again, tears were rolling down Mikey's face.  
"Why won't you leave us alone." Mikey mumbled, squeezing the red lump developing on his arm.  
"Leave him alone!" His free hand thrust towards me. Raph lowered his head, for just a second I caught sadness run through his eyes.  
"Mikey... Little brother... When..." Raph's voice cracked. "When you went to save Donnie... We...I thought we'd lost you... Or Shredder was going to do something horrible to you."  
"Like this!" I boomed out. Leo looked back at me.  
"Yes Donnie, like that." He whispered hesitantly.  
I buried my head back into my knees after that, my wings taking shelter over my body.

"Where is sensei then?!" I taunted.  
"The lair." Raph reported.  
"Just one more chance Donnie!" Leo blurted.  
"One more chance for what? By the way in case you haven't noticed, I don't like torture." A growled coldly. Leo smoothly took my wing, hands rubbed over the bone frame.  
"Just come home." He begged.  
"I am home!" I stood up, wings lightly throwing Leo off.  
"Coward!" Raph screamed... I froze. Suddenly I felt like Marty Mcfly from Back to the future, brings his courage up to run away... Only to be called Chicken or yellow bellied... Was I a coward? I closed my eyes absorbing those words. Was I gonna pull a Marty and yell that no body calls me chicken? My head turned, just a little to meet Raph's determined eyes.  
"I..." The words choked back into my throat. Raph's eyes sunk.  
"Just come home Donnie." Leo soothed, taking another step to me.  
"Why?!" Mikey demanded. Raph looked back at Leo.  
"Why? Because look at Donnie he needs help!"  
"I am helping him!"  
My head turned between to two arguments.  
"Here." Raph pressed the shell shaped phone in my hands. I blinked and raised it with hesitant caution to my ear.  
"Raphael? What's wrong?" A Japanese accent asked. I bit in my lip.  
"Its Donatello... Actually." I corrected, something felt good about being right.  
"My son," You could immediately hear the difference between the tones. "Your alive." He almost whooped with joy, of course sensei wasn't the kind of guy to whoop.  
"Ye..." I almost began. "Hai." I looked back at my family, before deciding to take comfort in my room.  
"Where have you been?"  
"The farm house sensei," I think he started to talking to me, but the words all zoned out. "Father." I whispered. Father, a word we rarely used. "I'm scared."  
"Me too my son, please come home," Master Splinter started to beg. I shook my head. "Please I will protect you."  
"See sensei," I started slowly, breath in, breath out. "You said that last time, in fact you said that many times over. Then I got captured, I got tortured, once again you whispered those words. You see what those words made!" My voice rose up higher, I think sensei tried to say something again but I pushed it away. "Fake hope good job Master Splinter." I growled sarcastically.  
"One more chance Donatello." The old rat whispered... Was he crying? Those words again. _One_ _more_ _chance._ Wasn't the last time that one last chance? Chance was a game of dice. The call ended.  
"I'm sorry," The words left my lips before I lowered my hand. "ARGH!" I yelled out, throwing the phone across the room. My arm muscles sparked with pain.  
"Donnie!" I think Raph yelled. That didn't matter. Why was I so useless!? The only thing I, Donatello Hamato could do was ruin lives or be used. I was Shredder's toy, Stockman's experiment. Raph's punching bag, the names kept piling on. I was nothing.  
"Oh hey Donnie what's the answer to this? Hey Don solve this bomb." I screamed covering my ears. If I died right there the only thing that would make them cry is I couldn't be there slave anymore!  
"Just..." I forced out the words. "Just take me home."

 **Aw** **Donnie... Yeah** **I** **don't** **really** **know** **how** **else** **to** **end** **this! I** **just** **remembered** **there's** **an** **update** **on** **this** **other** **depressing** **book** **I** **need** **catch** **up** **on... Soon** **bye!**  
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 **-Ninja** **out**


	10. Hope! Don't make me laugh

**Chapter** **9! Yeah...I** **don't** **even** **know** **umm** **yeah...**

 _It's been awhile since I've written in here, with being at the lair again... Master Splinter embraced me warmly, maybe I was too cold at that moment...or maybe it hurt to much to try_ _to care..._  
 _I guess I won't bored you writing in this journal, your obviously only reading this because you want the excitement, sorry this isn't too good tonight...but I heard a quote while pruning my feathers, which honestly isn't as easy as the birds in the movies showed... Anyway, Mikey had decided it was movie night and dragged us all out. The entire movie was just something to do with taking care of trees...I kind of zoned out...I got a small orange person, and these two guys that look almost the same. One quote caught me. "The tree falls the way it leans..." Which way did I lean? Was I leaning towards failure?! Is that why I fell so hard?! Anyway its late and Leo keeps coming in my room to make sure I actually get sleep..._  
 _Until next time_  
 _Sayonara._

I scribbled the last part down. I stretched my hand out, breaking out the strain gathering.  
"Donnie?!" Leo knocked on my door.  
"I'm finishing up!" I yelled out, shoving my journal under my sheets. The door clicked as the leader in blue opened my door.  
"Donnie?" He asked softly, coming inside my room. I didn't even try to smile.  
"Yes?" I asked, Leo blinked, and shrugged.  
"Wanted to see how your doing?" He asked, the frown line in creased.  
"I don't know..." I started sarcastically. Leo sighed and lowered his poistion.  
"Just...I get it life is hard...can you...at least try? A little?" He cut me off. I shook my head, he acted like he knew what he was doing. He must of caught my expression and gave up. One last attempted smile before falling into it. He flipped off my light.  
"Good night Donatello." Leaving me to the pained darkness

I hate the darkness, I was scared it when I was young. As my knowledge grew stronger I understood it was just light waves and my eyes working their science. Now the darkness was edging into my mind. Whispers of my weakness and how useless I was... I blinked tears, a foot step outside my door. I bolted up.  
"Who goes there?!" I demanded.  
"Chillax dude!" Mikey chuckled, for some reason he'd taken the coming home well, but in some way he knew were to distance. Casey invited him out to 'beat up bad guys' to quote.

* * *

 _Mikey frowned._  
 _"Why?"_  
 _Casey's grin subsided. "Cause it's fun!"_  
 _Mikey looked back at me laying on the floor. "I think Don needs company." He decided. I tried not to pulse my anger at Casey... Well sort of. Casey blew out a laugh._  
 _"Don-man's ok! Right?"_  
 _I stood up, with difficulty I stumbled towards Casey. I'd barely his height now._  
 _"Don't. Call. Me. That." I bit out. Casey double took, he was struggling to cope with the idea of my condition._  
 _"Hey...sorry man." He raised an arm up in defeat. I nodded, still unhappy with him._

* * *

I shook my head. "What?" I demanded. Mikey smiled.  
"Time to cheer the depressed turtle up!" Mikey grinned.  
"I'm not depressed!" I protested, never had lies been so true. I flicked my eyes away from him. "Sensei will tell us off if I'm awake." I muttered, trying to get him off my shell.  
"And that's ever stopped you when?" Raph asked. He walked towards me, arms folded. "Mikey has a point...your not ok."  
Mikey grinned at the agreement of Raph.  
"Just leave me alone, I want to be alone!" I demanded, I threw out my wings, Raph stepped back.  
"Nice wings?"  
I scowled, hoping that would scare them off.  
"Why do you care so much?" I growled. Raph frowned, as the question seemed to insult him.  
"Why don't you care about anything anymore? Even your own life."  
"Have you been there?" I hissed, that's when the shaking started, Shredder's room. I remembered the lab.

* * *

 _Liquid bubbled in vials. Stockman smiled as he walked over to my locked poistion._  
 _"Hellllo." Stockman laughed, he grabbed a drip. I'd been here maybe two weeks, but from my last trip I'd learned to hold back my tongue, and questioning. What was he planning? Logic told me that chemical was meant for my arm. Naturally I was right, Stockman was smiling as he started to enter it through my blood stream._  
 _"Ever wanted to know what being on fire feels like?" Shredder asked calmly, walking into the room, he was helmet like. His face was that of my nightmares. When ever Leo described it now; it seemed like a children's cartoon. Something an eight year old would watch, laugh as the good guys beat him. Let me tell you, when he turns towards you, your blood runs cold. Your only instinct is to run. Dried blood was splattered over his gauntlet. His cloak, danced around the room, giving an aura of distant from the devils reincarnate. Oroku looked at Stockman._  
 _"Turn it on." His voice, that blood chilling voice. All you need for a horror movie is to hear his tone. The scream exploded out my mouth._ _Fire I was on fire! It was coursings through my blood. Spreading almost gleefully. It stopped, I frowned it was all the chemical. I lowered my head and took in a deep breath, before looking back at Shredder. He was smiling._  
 _"Blame your father." He muttered, and left me to endure the pain once more._

 _And that was just a daily torture..._

* * *

"No, that's why you need to trust us Donnie. We want to help." Raph said quietly.  
"Since when?" I asked sarcastically.  
"Since we where brothers, forever Donnie." Raph whispered, he met eyes with me for a second, before falling into giving up and he left.

 **...yep** **chapter** **9...*awkward** **thumbs** **up* hope** **you** **guys** **liked** **this** **update...Uhhh** **yep...bye**  
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 **-Ninja out**


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